I Have No Idea What I’m Doing

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela

Okay, so here’s the thing.

You can do hard things. You can do unknown things. You can do this.

Normally, I’m over here trying to inspire and motivate you to hike big mountains, ski powder lines, or get outside on some sort of epic adventure. Or maybe I’m encouraging you to build a great business and team so you can reach your financial and career goals.

And I’m still here to encourage you to do ALL of that. Because those things are hard too.

But this past weekend, I had to do some hard things of a very different variety.

I had to become a handy person. 😬

And it pushed me waaaaay outside my comfort zone.

We’re currently in the midst… still… of a very long remodel of our beloved but old house. We’ve been working on this thing for way too long, mostly because we’re piecing a lot of it together ourselves. Sometimes that means acting as our own general contractor, and other times it means actually doing the work ourselves.

And let me be clear: we are NOT the handiest people out there.

But since becoming homeowners—especially homeowners in McCall, where finding contractors can sometimes be an adventure in itself—we’ve learned and grown a ton. So yay us! 😄

Still, almost every single time we start a new project, we feel completely overwhelmed and slightly paralyzed by what’s in front of us.

And honestly? I’m usually just not stoked about it.

I mean, when it’s finished, I’m stoked. But before I begin? I stare at the project with dread while simultaneously looking outside and dreaming about hiking and biking and playing and thinking about how much more fun literally ALL of that sounds.

But this weekend, as I tackled projects I really didn’t know how to do, I realized something: there are ways to make doing hard and unfamiliar things a little easier.

So today, I’m sharing some of the things that helped me push through the overwhelm and get to the other side.

Because whether you’re about to tackle a house project, build a business, climb a mountain, raise a child, learn a completely new skill, or do whatever hard thing is sitting in front of you right now, I think we could all use a few tricks to make the path toward success a little smoother.

So here we go. Let’s do some hard things.

Change Your Perspective — You Can Do Hard Things

Okay, so the thing I was specifically working on this weekend was building a pocket door cavity. What’s that, you might ask? Well, it’s basically the cavity inside your wall where the pocket door disappears when you open it. We had a kit for it, but gosh, even with the kit, it was A LOT.

Hence the subject of this newsletter and my first piece of advice: repeat to yourself, “I can do hard things.”

Like, for reals.

If you’re about to go on your first backpacking trip and you’re freaking out (trust me, I’ve been there—crying allllll the tears the night before plenty of new adventures), remember that someone else has done this exact thing before. And at some point, they probably had no clue what they were doing either.

They aren’t superheroes. They’re normal, everyday people who learned how to do the thing.

So breathe. And repeat after me:

“I can do hard things.”

That’s what I kept telling myself while watching the video explaining how to build this pocket door cavity. The entire time, my brain was screaming, What the hell are they talking about?! What’s a side jamb? What’s the back end? I have no idea what any of this means. I’m wasting my time watching a video I don’t understand. AND I’m wasting this gorgeous day when there’s finally no smoke outside and I could be out playing!

But then I had to stop myself.

Chill out, Kelli. Just start with step one.

Don’t Be Paralyzed by the Research — Take Action!

So, I did my research. I watched YouTube videos. I read the manual that came with the pocket door. I even uploaded the manual to ChatGPT and asked it to help “dumb it down” for me. You guys, ChatGPT for house projects is realllllly helpful. 😄

But anyways, I was doing all this research when I finally realized I was kind of just stalling.

I was scared. I was confused. I was overwhelmed. And as long as I kept researching, I didn’t actually have to DO the thing I was nervous to do.

But eventually, I knew it just needed to get done. So I finally said, “Enough. Let’s just start with step one and see how far we get.”

And of course, I was still repeating to myself, I can do hard things. At some point, you have to stop researching, stop overthinking, and just take the first step.

Inspired by the Average Joe

I touched on this earlier, but it’s worth mentioning again: the people out there doing this sort of thing are not superheroes. They all started somewhere.

I kept thinking about a friend of mine who tackles random projects like this all the time. She’s told me she often has no idea what she’s doing when she starts either—she just breaks it down and figures it out one step at a time.

But from the outside looking in, it feels like she has some sort of secret “handyman code.” Like she has this special gene, knowledge, or experience that makes it easier for her.

And yes, maybe some people have a natural inclination for this sort of thing. Maybe they’ll get from step one to step ten a heck of a lot faster than I will. But ultimately, they still have to start at step one and figure it out from there.

It’s not rocket science! Well, unless the hard thing you’re trying to do actually IS rocket science. Then maybe don’t listen to me. 😂

I see this at the CrossFit gym all the time, and honestly, I remember feeling it too. When I first joined, I would look at the super fit people around me and think, I’ll never be able to do what they’re doing. I definitely had a little bit of a fixed mindset back then because I truly thought I’d never be able to do the Murph workout, or 20+ unbroken pull-ups, or lift a 200-pound barbell over my head.

But slowly, day after day, I put in the work—and eventually I could do all of those things.

Now I see newbies at the gym looking around with that same overwhelmed expression, probably thinking some of the same things I did. And I just want to hug them and say, “One day, not that long ago, I couldn’t even do ONE pull-up. Not even ONE.”

We all have to start somewhere.

So, the next time you’re about to tackle something hard or unfamiliar, think about the people you know who have done something similar. And don’t think about the professionals who have spent 20 years perfecting their craft. Think about the Average Joes. The normal people who started out not knowing what the heck they were doing either.

If they figured it out, maybe you can too.

Hello Sally — My Anxious Friend

As I’ve discussed before in previous Elevate Livin’ Life e-newsletters (like Will You…), I definitely deal with anxiety at times in my life. And while building a pocket door didn’t send Sally (the name I’ve given to my over anxious mind) into a full-blown panic, I definitely had my fair share of worries.

I mean, this thing cost over $1,000! I didn’t want to screw it up and have to buy a new one, let alone lose all the time I’d already spent working on it. Plus, we needed to get the dang thing done. So yes, I was nervous.

But anytime I felt those nerves starting to paralyze me, I’d tell myself, “Go away, Sally Friend.” 

I wasn’t going to wait until I felt completely confident or until all the anxiety disappeared before I kept going. Sally could hang out in the background if she needed to, but she wasn’t going to be the one holding the tools. 😄

Step One- Just DO IT! 

Alright, you’ve done your research, you’re inspired by friends who’ve done similar things, you’ve given yourself a pep talk, and you’ve told your anxiety to go away.

Now, take the first step.

Just the VERY first step.

Don’t think about the entire house you have to build or the top of the mountain you’re hoping to reach. Think about what you need to do right now, right in front of you.

So that’s what I did. I told myself, Maybe I can’t actually do this whole thing. Maybe it’s too much contractor lingo and I’m in over my head. But I CAN do this first step.

After watching the video approximately a thousand times to make sure I understood how to screw in the screws, I finally went for it.

And guess what happened with the very first screw I drilled in?

I panicked. 😂

Halfway through, I convinced myself I had put it too far to the side instead of perfectly centered. I stopped and sat there completely paralyzed, thinking I had already screwed the whole thing up.

Looking back, it cracks me up because it was obviously fine and not a big deal. But in that moment, I didn’t KNOW it wasn’t a big deal. That’s the tricky part about doing something new—you don’t yet know which mistakes matter and which ones really don’t.

So I told myself, Just finish the screw. It’s probably fine.

And you know what?

It was totally fine.

So take the first step. Then take the next one. And when you hit a roadblock, make a mistake, or have a minor freak-out along the way, just keep swimming.

You don’t have to know how to do the whole thing yet. You just have to figure out what comes next.

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

I know I’ve spent this whole newsletter telling you that you can do hard things—and I wholeheartedly believe that you can. But I also want to remind you that doing hard things doesn’t mean you have to do them alone.

It’s okay to phone a friend and ask for help.

If you’re truly stuck, chances are someone will be happy to help you. If you’re on a trail and aren’t sure which way to go and someone comes along, ask them! I can almost guarantee they’ll gladly point you in the right direction.

While working on this project, I kept reminding myself that if I REALLY got stuck, I had a handful of friends I could call for a little guidance. I didn’t end up needing to this time, but I’ve certainly been there before—and every time I’ve reached out, people have seemed genuinely happy to weigh in.

And here’s the cool part: it goes both ways.

Earlier this year, we asked someone for help with some landscaping stuff that we knew nothing about. Since then, he’s messaged me a few times asking for advice on hikes, and I’ve been so happy to help him right back.

We don’t all have to know how to do everything. You might know how to build a wall. I might know the perfect trail to hike. Someone else might know how to build a business, fix a bike, raise chickens, or cook an amazing meal.

We can all do hard things a little easier when we’re willing to help each other along the way.

Take Pride In It

After many hours, I completed all the steps. I built the pocket door cavity!

And looking back, I have to laugh because it actually wasn’t THAT big of a deal. We haven’t hung the door yet, so I guess we’ll find out if it’s actually square and correct 😂, but for now, I’m really freaking proud of myself.

It reminded me of last year when we hired a contractor to do some work for us and he was a little sloppy. There were paint marks in random places and little mistakes here and there. And listen, I totally understood HOW it happened because I’ve done the exact same thing. If you look closely at the ceilings around my house, you’ll find plenty of little paint overages from yours truly.

But it drove me nuts that I had paid someone to do the work and they still made some of the same mistakes I would have made myself.

In a weird way, though, it also made me feel better. Once again, it reminded me: these people aren’t superheroes. They’re humans who learned how to do something, practiced it, and got better at it. And maybe I can learn to do some of these things too.

I also realized that sometimes I’d rather save the money and do the work myself. If I make a little mistake, I’m much less bothered by it because I know I did my best and learned something along the way. When I pay a professional, I understandably expect professional work.

But maybe the coolest part is looking around our house now and seeing all the things WE did.

Yes, I absolutely would have rather spent some of those beautiful days outside hiking, biking, and adventuring. But I’m also really proud of the knowledge and experience we’ve gained along the way. I’m proud of the work we’ve put into this house. And I’m proud that every time we tackle something that initially makes us think, There is no freaking way we know how to do this, we somehow figure it out.

Sometimes doing the hard thing gives you more than just the finished product. It gives you proof that you’re capable of doing the next hard thing too.

As I’ve shared before, I love David Goggins’ idea of filling your cookie jar. Every time you do something hard, scary, or outside your comfort zone, you add another “cookie” to that jar—another reminder of something you once thought you couldn’t do, but did.

Then, the next time you’re standing in front of something hard and thinking, I don’t know if I can do this, reach into that cookie jar.

Remember the time you were scared. Remember how overwhelmed you felt. Remember when you had absolutely no idea what you were doing…and then remember that you figured it out. You persevered. You did the hard thing.

Each hard thing becomes proof that you’re capable of doing the next hard thing too.

So yes, my cookie jar now officially has a pocket door cavity in it. 😂

Alright, friends, I’d love to know: What do you want to do but are a little scared to try because you think it might just be too hard?

Is it building a new business? Talking to someone you have a crush on? Teaching your kids how to be good humans (oof, I get that one!)? Skiing in the backcountry or going on your first backpacking trip? Speaking in front of 300 people at a business conference? Or perhaps you’re like me and it’s a house project that has you completely intimidated?

Whatever your hard thing is, I’d love to hear what’s on your plate. Maybe I can help… or, at the very least, I can cheer you on and remind you:

You can do hard things.

Thanks for reading along, my friends. It truly means a lot to know that these e-newsletters might help, inspire, or encourage even just one of you. 😊

—Kelli