Will You…

“You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.”

-Marianne Williamson

It was a beautiful summer day, my kiddos were at camp and I was all caught up at work so I spent the morning getting my backpack all packed. It was full of the essentials to survive outside in the woods for three days, as well as some yummy treats and extra enjoyments. I had three other best friends doing the same thing at their homes and we all couldn’t wait to start our annual backpacking trip later that night. We had three nights and three full days to just connect with each other out in the beautiful mountains of Oregon. How lucky are we?? Yet as I packed my bag, my stomach started to feel nauseous and my mind also swirled with thoughts of anxiety towards the trip. What about the fires, will they ruin the views and make all this work not worth it? Will new fires pop up and endanger us? What about my Achilles that’s been cranky and hurting, will it be able to handle the thirty plus miles of hard hiking with a heavy pack? What if I get sick while I’m out there? What if….what if….what if…

There Are Always Reasons to NOT Do Something:
Over the years I’ve started to learn this feeling of anxiety is normal. And it was too fitting that earlier that morning I had read James Clears’ weekly newsletter that talks a little about this. He said:

“The problem with smart people is they can come up with a good reason for not doing anything. They are smart enough to find the cracks, to foresee the challenges, and to talk themselves out of the idea. They are experts at justifying their lack of courage or lack of action with an intelligent excuse.

But there will always be reasons to not do something, and this is particularly true of anything worth doing. We value those moments in which we overcame challenge, not those in which we avoided it. Ultimately, action is a choice. The choice to emphasize the reasons for doing it despite the reasons you have for avoiding it.”

So this month’s Elevate Livin’ Life E-newsletter I wanted to chat about the power of our thoughts, the times to listen to them and when to tell them to shut up, and working through challenges to achieve your ambitious goals. 

Power of Thoughts:

• Your thoughts are powerful, BUT only if you give them power. You can’t control (for the most part) what you think about but your destiny depends on what you do with those thoughts. Because your thoughts can become your actions —> your actions become your life.
• So choose wisely when you decide which thoughts you believe in and take action on. I could have believed my anxious thoughts above and canceled the trip, trust me it crossed my mind, but after experience with this in the past,  I knew it was my minds way of trying to protect me from the challenges, to keep me safe. Thankfully, I knew that it would be okay. I knew if I didn’t go on this trip I’d be so mad and regret it. I did not give those thoughts any real power, I just recognized them and worked through them.

Working Through Negative Thoughts & Reframing Your Words:

• Think of thoughts like clouds. They come and go, so when you have bad thoughts just let them keep going.
• I’ve been working hard on reframing my thoughts/words. Some of my favorite reframing word choices are:
  • Change “should” into “will”
    • Don’t say I “should” do this, instead say to yourself I “will” do this. It is way more powerful. This is also powerful to use on other people. When you encounter friends/family that say they want to do something, just stop them and say, “will you go eat those vegetables today?” “Will you book that flight to your dream destination?” “Will you go the gym tomorrow?” It’s much more powerful to ask them this simple question about their goal rather than saying they/you “should” do something.
  • Change “have to” into “get to”
    • Years ago I remember this one night where I was really tired and my 4-month old woke up again in the middle of the night and I just laid there thinking “I have to go change his diaper and feed him.” But I had just listened to a podcast that talked about reframing your mind to say “I get to”. So, I stopped myself and said, “ I get to go change his diaper and feed him.” “I get to have a baby.” Not everyone gets that and yes, it’s hard but ultimately this is what I want and wanted.
      • This also reminds me of what I mentioned on last months’ newsletter; this is part of the package. If I want the baby, I get to also have the lows and challenges of this piece of my life to. You don’t get just the fun parts of something; you have to take the whole thing.

Don’t Pep Talk Yourself OR Anyone Else:

• Okay, I admit, I’m a default pep talker. If someone comes to me and says they can’t do something, I typically respond with, “yes you can! You are awesome, amazing, and I bet you can do it.” And I probably will try to give some concrete evidence as to why but the gist of my argument is me saying they can and thinking they’ll just believe it and do it.
• Well, recently I listened to a book by Steven Bartlett, called The Diary of a CEO (SOOOOOO GOOD) that says that is not the best way to encourage someone to achieve something. Don’t try to tell them why they are amazing thinking it will convince them to go do it. Because beliefs are hard to change. BUT they can be changed. What you need is actual evidence to show them otherwise. You must challenge this belief they have of why they can’t do something by just going and doing it, to answer the question once and for all on if they can do it. 
• “Stop telling yourself you’re not qualified, good enough or worthy. Growth happens when you start doing the things you’re not qualified to do.” -Steven Bartlett
  • I can’t hike 10 miles
    • So go hike 10 miles
  • I can’t do xxxx
    • When you or someone you know says this statement, don’t pep talk and instead, just go do it. Seriously, just go find out if you can do it. (As long as it’s safe to do). By going to attempt to do something they will find out if they can or can’t. Most likely they can, but even if they can’t, they’re going to learn a lot from the experience to then be able to go back and achieve it next time.  
  • One key takeaway from Mr. Bartlett’s 4^th Law, is to realize there is your comfort zone, then your growth zone, then your panic zone. You want to be in the growth zone, because that is where you will learn, grow, and add those cookies to your cookie jar (see below). If you’re in the panic zone then you may be a self-fulfilling prophecy of why you couldn’t achieve that activity…

Cookies in the Cookie Jar: 

• David Goggins, whether you love him, hate him, or know nothing about him, I personally think he has a lot of valuable lessons. And one of my favorite lessons of his is the “cookies in the cookie jar” analogy. Basically, he says as you do hard things, especially things you didn’t think you’d be able to accomplish, you start to add those cookies to your cookie jar. Then as you continue to do each new hard thing, you can pull those cookies out to get you through that challenge.
  • I’ve seen this play out a lot in my life. In the earlier years of outdoor adventuring I would freak out and think there was no way I could do that hike or that intense adventure. I’d stress (and even cry) the night before, think about how to bail, all the fixed mindset thoughts floating through my head. But guilt and stubbornness usually won out and I’d go do that thing and be surprised that I got through it. Then the next time, it got a little easier. I’d still freak out the night before but I would think about the last time I freaked out and got through. Now I have a lot of cookies in the cookie jar. I still freak out, I still have those thoughts (as I mentioned above getting ready for my backpacking trip) but it’s what I do with those thoughts that count. I recall previous adventures and know it’s going to be okay.
  • So create a mental cookie jar. Or hell, go create a real one! Get a cute little mason jar and each time you do something you didn’t think you could do, add a piece of paper to it. Then, next time you’re freaking out about an upcoming challenge you can pull out a physical reminder of the challenges you’ve overcome before to help you get through this one.
    • Some of my cookie jar moments:
      • Hiking to Tuckerman’s Ravine and camping overnight in the snow in March.
      • Skinning up Mt. Sopris and snowboarding down it on Easter.
      • Getting through some really really rough days during chemo, especially the day I had heat exhaustion on top of my chemo treatment. Oops.
      • Not quitting during the first time I did the CrossFit open workout 14.5 . I seriously had a lot of internal dialogue going on about how I could just walk out that door. I could just quit. I didn’t have to suffer through this pain. Thankfully I didn’t quit though.
      • Hiking to Prince Lakes and the biggest bushwhack of my life.
      • Giving birth to Jackson, naturally by accident 
      • Hiking myself off the summit of 12,000 feet when I was having major altitude sickness and was light-headed and nauseous. I had to get myself out and I did.
      • Solo hiking off trail to some alpine lakes.
      • Surviving summer 2020 in the real estate business.

What are some of your cookie jar moments? 

Surviving the Moment:

• A lot of the above information are tactics to use before you embark on a challenge. The cookies in a cookie jar will come up and be helpful during your challenge too but it mostly helps to mentally prepare you before it and calm anxieties.
• But some other mindsets I love to pull on when I’m in the midst of those challenges, especially those type two fun events is David Goggins’ quote:
  • “You may not know how you’re going to move forward but when you are in the hurt locker you just need to ask yourself one question; ‘can you take the next step?’ And the answer is always yes.”
    • So, remember, you just have to put one foot in front of the other. You just have to keep swimming (thanks Dori). You can do one more burpee, you can do one more email at work, you can do one more…. Just small little chunks.
• Last December I had a friend send me a video of Jesse Itzler giving a talk, which I just love him, he has such great ideas. Anyways, this one was talking about during a really tiring and gruesome activity, when you find yourself thinking about how tired you are, start repeating “I’m not tired, I feel outstanding. I’m not tired, I feel outstanding. I’m not tired, I feel outstanding.”
  • I’ve used this tactic a handful of times and honestly, it has helped! I encourage you to try it out next time you’re in the middle of a workout or hard/tiring task. You’ll hopefully get a little boost of energy from this shift in mindset.
• One video I watched was of Rich Fronning, one of the best CrossFitters ever share that “In training, you listen to your body. In competition, you tell it to shut up.”
  • So when something starts to hurt during your challenge remember, it’s probably supposed to hurt. You have to be smart and know if something is really not safe, but usually pushing through the pain during competition is part of the experience. Endurance racers will have so much pain during and after, but that’s part of it. So, when you sign up to do your next challenge, remember this so you don’t freak out when the hard parts arrive. 

Failing is Good:

• Okay, here’s the thing, I hate to fail. Like I know everything I’m going to say below is true but it still sucks. It still hurts. I still don’t like it in the moment. But as Goggins says : “Through failing, you truly get to know what you’re capable of and what you’re willing to endure to get to the other side.”
  • So if you fail, it’s okay, because you know a few new things:
    • 1. What it takes to do it next time.
    • 2. What you were capable of.
    • 3. Probably some insight into what went well and what went wrong for any future activity.
• After you get through the initial pain of failing your challenge, I hope you take the time to learn the lessons you can use from it to go tackle it another time.
• Also, sometimes failing is out of your control.  Last week I was getting dressed to embark on a grueling and tough hike. I was nervous about it but also so excited as I heard it was the BEST hike to do in the Tetons and I couldn’t wait to have those epic views at the top. I couldn’t wait to have that “runner’s high” of being miserable and exhausted but so stoked on accomplishing something hard and amazing. As I got dressed though, I started to hear a little pitter patter on the roof. Darn, it’s raining already, I guess I need my rain jacket at the start of the hike. Then, the light pitter patter turned to a torrential downpour. I was mentally preparing myself that it might be a wet and cold slog but hopefully it was just going to be a quick passing shower. I pulled out my phone to double check and my stomach dropped. The afternoon thunderstorms they called for was now predicted at 11 AM. We’d still be in high alpine exposure at that time. After a debrief with my hiking buddies, we called it. We could hike in the rain, but we would not hike on ridgelines and exposed summits with lightning. I was so bummed. I was so annoyed. We had checked the weather the day before and it was all different this morning. And I kept thinking, what if it is just a passing storm and there isn’t lightning at 11 AM? Ugh!!! Well all morning I beat myself up because it turned into beautiful blue skies and it would have been the most epic views ever, no clouds over those Tetons and no lightning around!!!! But, it is what it is. Sometimes you make a call and it’s the right one or sometimes you make a call and it’s the wrong one. Sometimes you do let those concerns stop you and it’s better to be safe than sorry, but you have to know when the concerns are real and warranted, or just “boogeyman fears”.
  • Boogeyman fears are all those thoughts, fears, concerns, that typically are more like anxieties that aren’t the best to listen too. Yes, a lot of them could happen, but the likelihood of it happening is so low, the reward outweighs the risk. If you’re doing something that makes you uncomfortable or scared, then you most likely are going to have some concerns…that’s sort of inherent. So, learning to navigate which are fears to listen too and act on versus which are boogeyman fears to acknowledge and work through is a constant challenge but an important one.  

So, I ask you today, “Will you go and do that thing on your mind you’ve been wanting to do? Will you make a plan NOW to make it happen? Will you be brave and face those negative thoughts and fears? Will you……”

Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my thoughts I love to share with you. It means a lot to share ideas that I hope are helping you achieve a badass and amazing life. I always love to hear from you! So please, what spoke the most to you in this e-newsletter?

Keep Filling Those Cookie Jars,
Kelli